Minecraft Movie Review - No spoilers

 



On Sunday, April 6, 2025, my friends and I for some unknown reason, decided to spend real actual money to go see the Minecraft movie. Oh, apologies, I am remembering it is actually called A Minecraft Movie, which I would consider an important distinction, and here is why:

My main critique of the movie is that there isn't enough Minecraft actually in it. Sure, we get hard hitting lines of dialogue like "First we mine, then we craft. LET'S MINECRAFT." But while the game is an open sandbox world builder, it actually does have a plot. I am shocked we got a movie about minecraft and the only mention of the End was the Endermen. 

I will say, there were some good messages like, it's okay to be yourself, there is always a place for you, and it definitely isn't Idaho, and Jason Mamoa, you don't look good in bangs. It was also much funnier than I was expecting. The movie is rated PG, and boy did they do the most with that; Minecraft? More like freaky-craft. 

Here are my favorite quotes with no context:

"You can bag me and take me to the curb anytime."

"I will crack your cabeza with my buttcheeks like a walnut."

"People always want to sue me when I hit them with my Jeep Grand Cherokee."

Shockingly, my favorite character was the real estate agent. 

Overall, 7/10 - I may go see it with the sousaphones at another time. 

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